This book was confusing from the beginning to the end. I have no idea who the target audience for this book is. There isn’t a single page where you aren’t reminded of how rich the author is and how that’s her everyday experience. While she claims early in the book that she’s not flaunting her wealth that is at odds with her content. Nearly every question is given a general answer followed by an example from her life. So it will be something from a dinner party, finishing school experience, Wall Street meetings, executive meetings, things like that.
Not having a target audience leaves so many unanswered questions. Is she not flaunting her wealth and no one in editing pointed out that it would alienate a lot of people. Is she not flexing because she’s writing for people with the same amount of wealth. Is she really flexing and knows it? This wouldn’t be a question if it was clear who the book was for.
This book would be a solid 3 if it was edited in half with most of the examples removed. When she does succinct question and answer sections the content can be broadly applicable. Some of her ideas about sex, consent, and gender roles in relationships are things that I find unsavory. She gets around these criticisms by saying that it’s a book on etiquette and not morals; an argument that I think is paper thin and just trying to deflect the personal responsibility for her writing. The quotes were so mind boggling to me there’s an entry on my blog (can be found on my profile).
TLDR; A memoir of a very successful rich woman that mistakenly found its way to the self-help section.
Quotes
“Etiquette is power, but it is soft power. The ability to make someone do what you want without their being aware of it sounds Machiavellian, but it is not - or not exactly. Soft power is not trickery; it is persuasion of the highest order. It has been said that while “hard” - or traditional - power can be equated with twisting someone’s arm, “soft” power involves twisting their mind.” (148)
“To be in a stressful or loveless marriage is one of the most acute forms of suffering there is.” (158)
“How does a woman ask a man to get intimate? Men don’t need to be asked. If he doesn’t try, he’s just not that into you.” (173)
“Don’t forget to focus on your primary relationship. It’s easy to lose sight of why you signed up for all this in the first place. Make time for just the two of you - no discussion of children, exes, etc. - for at least one evening a week. And don’t forget to keep having sex!” (192)
“We should keep in mind that no matter how bad our relationship with our parents, when they die we will miss them.” (194)
“Estrangements are open wounds with no chance of repair. Sometimes they are the best solution, but they should only be entered into as an absolute last resort.” (213)
“Before we even get to the reservation desk, let’s stop off at the coatroom. If you are carrying a bunch of shopping bags and an umbrella, or you have a heavy coat, spring for the few dollars and check them.” (233)
“All I can think is that if you are polite (rather than apologetic) and have an expectation of good service, you will get it.” (241)
“What if I catch the host licking the spoon they’re cooking with? Say something or not? It’s bad manners to see something you’re not supposed to see, and worse manners to point it out.” (268)
“Whatever you do, don’t share one serving using the same plate and cutlery if you’re part of the couple. Using the same dessert plate and fork is on par with excessive PDA.” (269)
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